he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
