dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize