if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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