I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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