i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
