Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
