so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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