Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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