I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize