what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
