Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
