i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
