The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
