My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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