i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
