Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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