he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
