No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
