i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
