And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
