Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize