1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
