still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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