What tipped you off? The sombrero?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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