just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
