I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
