Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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