Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I puked a lego.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
