Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
