No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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