I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
