you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You ruined the universe
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
