Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
