I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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