by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
