Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
