Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
