could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
