I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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