I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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