god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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