oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
