Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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