Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
