hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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