Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
