yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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