I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The uberlube is also flammable
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
