I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
it's great music for shaving your balls
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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