Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
