I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
