Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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