It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
