I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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