Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
