At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
