The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
