Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I would ride that face into the sunset
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
