it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
