Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
