fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
two words: eviction party
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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