I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
