hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize