i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
