And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
