the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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