I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
