My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
