i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize