How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
