I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
