What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize