HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
