break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize