Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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