Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
