What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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