I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
