i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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