she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
