Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize