I want to walk on stilts...naked
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
